No one said it was going to be easy. We’ve only been together for two months when Rapha and I had to go our separate ways and start a long-distance relationship. In the course of 4 years, Rapha lived in France, Spain and then Brazil while I was in Sweden. This is why we want to spread an inspirational message for long distance relationship couples because it’s important to start this adventure with a positive and open mindset… love always win!
Don’t listen to them: “Is love from a distance possible?” or “How could you know it wasn’t a waste of time?” We didn’t. It’s that simple.
Some people told me that physical intimacy is mandatory for a couple to stay together. Others said that doubts and fear of infidelity are too hard to handle. Some others don’t even believe in the idea of monogamy… if you listen to everyone you forget to trust your instinct.
DISTANCE DOESN’T CAUSE BREAKUPS. INSECURITIES DO.
The distance only allows you to reflect and take some time for yourself. It’s great. You find new interests, make new friends, explore new passions: I had so many new things to share with him, making our discussions always interesting.
However, it was intimidating to see Rapha making new friends and having a life on his own. In fact, I would sometimes feel like he was drawing a narrative I would not be able to fit in.
But, I am happy to say that we did almost 4 years of a long-distance relationship and we are now living in a one-room apartment, more in love than ever. In fact, this challenge was an opportunity. It taught me so many valuable lessons and healed so many wounds… and I’d like to share these things with you now.
1. You become closer than ever:
In the beginning, we would spend hours talking on the phone. We were so far away, yet so much more present. You learn how to value each other’s time. Therefore, our conversations were deeper as we let our vulnerability show.
If you don’t allow yourself to share your vulnerabilities you isolate yourself and create a distance between you and your partner. Being vulnerable is being courageous.
It brings you closer and creates a feeling of safety in the relationship. When you’re so far away you focus so much on the small interactions. The TV is off, the other chats are closed, the phone is in silent mode: it’s only you and your partner.
2. You maintain having an attitude of gratitude:
Your time together, your conversations and moments of intimacy are limited therefore there is no space for stupid fights and endless wars of egos. These limitations made us be more present, they intensified our interactions.
If you really want an inspirational message for long distance relationship I can tell you that we always lived this relationship in a mindset of abundance. The distance brought us closer, we became best friends and confidants.
As a result, it gave us a purpose, it never felt like we were deprived of something. Having an attitude of gratitude helps you fight negative thoughts, you train yourself to keep a positive mindset and for someone living with anxiety, this was a game-changer.
3. You learn how to get over trust issues:
There are millions of reasons for someone to have trust issues. This is something I once personally struggled with, for a long long time. Who knew that a long-distance relationship would heal me.
I found a partner that would always kill the seed of jealousy before it could grow. I found someone who knew my demons and he learned how to make them powerless. Love is not enough, you need to add respect and empathy to the mix to have a healthy relationship.
A long-distance relationship doesn’t make people cheat on each other for instance, if you’re not looking for anything you won’t attract this “thing” that will break the relationship. I spent more energy working on my anxiety and insecurities than worrying about possible infidelity. And that was a good investment because at the end of the day Rapha was faithful and I learned how to be more self-loving and confident. Double win!
4. You work as a team:
Our main take away from this experience is that we became a real team, and we played like kids the whole journey. It was very important for us to set up clear expectations and rules from the beginning so we could be accountable for our decisions and actions. Sometimes you don’t live in the same time zone, sometimes you don’t have the same work/study schedule or just get wrapped up in your personal life.
YOU SET UP EXPECTATIONS.YOU’RE SET UP FOR SUCCESS.
It was very important for us to have a clear idea of what we were getting into, and how we would face challenges. This is why we did a Point Of Departure, which is a team exercise you do before starting a project (learned in school and practiced at work).
We set up some rules, created a joined calendar to have an idea of what to expect during the day (in terms of attention, check-ins, etc…). Also, we talked about how we usually behave when confronted with hurtful or stressful events (so if I suddenly shut down and stop talking for a day Rapha would know how to react for us to move forward for example).
5. You stay open-minded:
Twenty years. That’s how many years we’ve been exploring life and creating our identities before we met. We’ve had two very different childhoods, lived in many different countries that forged our personalities.
Our tip is to always talk from the “I” perspective: “I feel hurt when you act this way because…”. We stopped assuming that, because we were in love, we could understand every reaction and feeling the other person was experiencing. It was clear that we would never hurt each other on purpose and, for this reason, we knew it was enough to start a discussion without too many frictions.
A long-distance relationship has this beautiful power to let the ego dissolves itself. It might be because you’re behind a screen and have the power to just shut everything off. But it gets easier to open yourself and listen without judgment.
Giving feedback is an art, and it’s not something you should take lightly. Besides, the way you address your feelings and opinions can have a huge impact on how the receiver will feel or behave. Feedback should always come from a place of care and love, and the place I learned all of this was at Hyper Island (the school I went to) and you can see on this page, how to give and receive feedback. I would recommend you to read and reflect, it’s very interesting.
I hope you enjoyed this read “An inspirational message for long-distance relationship”. Keep in mind that these are personal opinions and not the ultimate truth. We are always happy to receive feedback, comments, and insights.